Helping your Man Understand Menopause
Menopause can prove mystifying to the male sex; women talking about hormone changes and hot flashes, night sweats and her yo-yoing weight. She doesn’t seem interested in sex at the moment and she’s been short-tempered and quick to fly off the handle at the slightest mistake. Is this the end of a marriage? Not at all… it’s simply menopause and, in order for men to understand it, women need to take the time to explain.
Forest Gump may have said that life was like a box of chocolates but, when it comes to menopause, it’s all about the chips. Say what? Whatever your man’s focus, you need to bring it to his level and communicate with him, not at him.
Menopause is like a bag of tortilla chips. You make up a batch of salsa dip and wander to the living room, grab a seat, put your feet up and start to eat those chips. And they taste really good.
But halfway through, you discover that your salsa has disappeared somewhere and you know there isn’t any more in the cupboard. You’re stuck with these bland, nasty chips, while someone else took off with your dip. At first you’re sad because you want more. Then you feel fatigue because you don’t want to hop in the car and drive clear down to the store tonight. You get angry because your salsa has disappeared. Someone took your salsa, when all you wanted was just to relax and enjoy a little snack! Frustration sets in because your wife wants to watch some sappy love show and you don’t have any munchies. The children start making some sort of loud repetitive noise over and over, while your other half is sighing and giving you dirty looks…
It’s so hard to get someone to agree to don your shoes and look at the world from your perspective, especially when you are going through the roller coaster of hormonal fluctuations called menopause. Ever wonder why they call it that? Men-o-pause. Maybe because the poor men end up standing there, paused in confusion as their mouths form a perfect letter “o.”
While it’s tempting, at times, to just throw your hands up in confusion... don’t. Despite how it may feel at the moment, chances are that he truly cares about you and wants to know what he can do to help. Don’t be afraid to sit him down at the table, take his hand and explain to him about the process and crazy mix of emotions. Let him know what you feel, deep down. In honesty, chances are that your man has never even thought about what menopause might be like.
When explaining, it’s important to stress to him that menopause is a natural change that occurs in the body, rather than some kind of disease. It’s inevitable, irreversible and it happens to all women, whether they look like a frumpy housewife or a super model. Take the time and explain to him that it pertains to the ovaries failing to produce any more eggs and the changing of hormones in your system; hormones that sometimes make you angry, or ones that can make you cry. Let him know that sometimes it makes you feel like you’re undesirable and then, other times, you just feel old and unneeded. Don‘t be afraid to tell him the truth of matters… and to do it in a way that he’ll understand. Just take it slow, one step at a time.
When discussing and describing menopause, there are any number of subjects that you can branch out to; let him know, ahead of time, what he might expect. Try to explain to him, the night sweats and hot flashes, the nausea and lightheadedness. Let him know how we all hate that drop in metabolism that means we have to constantly watch our weight or blow up like balloons.
You might try having your husband attend a support group meeting, to help him better understand menopause or arrange a time for him to talk to your doctor. Either may be easier than trying to get him to talk to you or another family member, sometimes, it’s easier to speak with an anonymous person, rather than one who is close. With some husbands, maybe it’s just better to compare it all to salsa and chips, but the key point is to open up the lines of communication and to actually take the time to talk to him.